The Homosexual
I was tying my shoe when a man bent over near me.
“Let me help,” he said.
“Are you a homosexual?” I asked.
“Yes I am,” he said, “and I'm also a shoe salesman.”

The Lesbian
I said to the bus driver, “Dragging my **** up a hill for your forgiveness ain't my idea of fishing for condiments in a bank on Labor Day.”
He wouldn't acknowledge me so I grabbed a nearby lesbian. “Either forgive me or I'll make this **** pregnant!” I threatened.
“Alright for Heaven's sake! I forgive you!” He said, whereby I immediately released the ****-diver.