Most of the time
when i´m alone
or I space out
i have that heavy
feeling
where its a mix of
being disconnected to people
around me and
myself
I don´t feel like
¨myself¨
I haven´t felt like
I was me
since 10th grade
I feel washed out
and everything I do
day to day
is just me
going through the motions
Sometimes I feel like this
and its hard to
get over it
I´m not sure if there´s
such thing as
getting over it
Sometimes its hard for me
to even remember what makes me happy
No amount of painting or music can
motivate me
It usually does
So now all i can do
is sleep
Only then it feels like
I can shut out
that heavy feeling
I wrote this thinking it would help
they say it helps
but it didn´t