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Akina
Poems
Sep 2012
The Epic of Mosiadz: A Portrait of Two Lovers
I feel my heart in pieces
Although I see its whole
I feel aged beyond my years
Though the mirror says it’s not so
I’m lonely all the time now
Though the crowds would disagree
And from memories inside my head
There’s no hope of breaking free
I hate that a relationship
To start, always takes two
And when it’s time to end it
All it took was you
Now everywhere I look
And in everyone I see
A little bit of you
Is staring back at me
I’m trying to move on
I’m trying to forget
But all the little things build up
And so I stay upset
Tears will come, and tears will go
I’ve never cried so much you know?
And even when I should be hating you
All I care is you’re not hurting too
I feel like I was cut short this time
I still have things to say
You handled this all wrong, my friend
There were a hundred better ways
I may not know you all that well
In return, you don’t know me
I’m sorry I couldn’t be that girl
The one you wish I’d be
I was nervous, I was new
And I was horribly afraid
I knew we wouldn’t last forever
But I said ‘yes’ anyway
I wanted, so bad, to be there for you
To fulfill your every need
But mistakes were made, I’m sad to say
And from me you did recede
I didn’t know what I was doing
This was foreign, you were strange
And to this day, when I look back
I can’t see what made you change
There was a time you wanted me
And indeed you were my first
‘He got what he wanted, after all’
If that’s true, then this is all far worse
If you used me
Good for you
I hope you’re proud
Of what you do
If you settled
Or were expecting more
I’m sorry,
I’d never done this before
Was I just filling another’s place?
Did you plan this from the start?
I’m not sure where I stood sometimes
But what had I, if not your heart?
I’m not one for protocol
Nor wrapped up in tradition
While you were pining for a prior love
With you I did fall smitten
Then things got quite out of hand
And I couldn’t reach you anymore
All the romance seemed to die
And you left me feeling like a *****
As much as I want to see you smile
And though I tried to keep you
It felt like you wanted no part of this
I only want it, if you want it too
I cannot fathom what went wrong
I asked and got nothing back
We grew apart, you and I
Until in silence I was trapped
I wish I could undo what happened
There are things I wish I’d said
Instead my words remain unspoken
And inside my heart feels dead
I know I will love others
That’s something I can’t withhold
Just know that you don’t surprise me
You acted exactly as I foretold
I know you really meant well
At least that’s what I hope
Although many here have warned me
“It was nothing but mirrors and smoke”
Before, we were together
And now we are apart
It’s sad how I can clearly see
The finish from the start
I guessed that you would end us
The same way we came to be
You waited far too long to say it
So the asking came down to me
Back then you said so lightly
That I was all you needed
And then you turned so easily
And said it better if we end it
You hurt me more than ever
For days I could not cease crying
And the first question in my mind was
So which time were you lying?
Written by
Akina
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Sara Ellen
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