My best friend doesnt understand and
that is the saddest thing I can think of.

I told her I want someone to tell me that my feelings are valid, that his feelings are valid, I don't want anyone to take my side anymore, I don't want anyone to tell me he's crazy, or he's an alcoholic, or that I'm in a "weird position".

Friends can't help but take their friends' side when in an argument with anyone, but I don't want sides anymore I just want confirmation that I'm not ******* crazy.

I just want to tell someone what's going on. Period. End of story. I just want someone to purely listen, don't say what they think they should, view it with an outsiders perspective, and don't try to change anything, don't try to understand because you don't, but just try to listen.

I just don't want to talk to someone in fear that they will try to intervene, that they will try to fix something. And for some reason I see that as a bad thing, and its because I don't want to make him mad. Because telling someone how I feel would be telling them that I'm scared when he's been drinking. And nothing good comes out of that.

I really think if he just stopped drinking we could be ok, but I don't know how to make that happen. I just want to be ******* happy again is that so much to ask?