Jul 2018
I always let go…before they have a chance to ruin me, to tear me, to make me feel little
I am little in the way I think because I don’t know the way I am, how does one begin to learn about themselves when ME is a subject I hate studying.
I always let go, of my emotions, I let them roam free allowing them to break down everything I have worked so hard to build, everything that I kept behind a perfect face of smiles. I let it roam free hoping that one day it would do me good, that it will bring good but what part of my life has ever been good
I always let go…before you let go of me, before you find out that my broken pieces aren’t ones you can fix with a hug and a kiss, that my scars aren’t ones you can remove by a simple ‘’ I love you’’. Before you realise your part of the reason why…why everyone is part of the reason why I look at myself and think “I’ve never been good enough” There is a piece of me that breaks away every time I give my love away, my loyalty until there is none left for me.
I always let go, “its simpler that way” I say, as if I am trying to speak to the knot in my chest to stop pulling my heart, a heart where I thought each one of you belonged. But you didn’t …because when you left you didn’t respect it as a home, you slammed the door, lost the keys and never cleaned up. It was left *****, with broken windows allowing the cold air in. Don’t ask me why I no longer allow people in…I’m in for repairs.
I always let go, of myself…because I was too busy getting lost in you …wondering if you looked at me as if the stars in my eyes gave your life a whole new meaning…but it didn’t. it was just me. A story created in my head that was like a broken record in case I needed to play it back when life didn’t seem to play fair, the record got scratched because life never did play fair. It played until it broke until reality became a mystery that I myself didn’t even know the ending to.
Don’t ask me why I always let go…no one has given me a reason to hold on so until then, I will look at every moment as my last, shed a tear in hopes that this day won’t be my last, hold onto to you as if this touch will be my last…until eventually and inevitably…I LET GO.
I am little in the way I think because I don’t know the way I am, how does one begin to learn about themselves when ME is a subject I hate studying.
I always let go, of my emotions, I let them roam free allowing them to break down everything I have worked so hard to build, everything that I kept behind a perfect face of smiles. I let it roam free hoping that one day it would do me good, that it will bring good but what part of my life has ever been good
I always let go…before you let go of me, before you find out that my broken pieces aren’t ones you can fix with a hug and a kiss, that my scars aren’t ones you can remove by a simple ‘’ I love you’’. Before you realise your part of the reason why…why everyone is part of the reason why I look at myself and think “I’ve never been good enough” There is a piece of me that breaks away every time I give my love away, my loyalty until there is none left for me.
I always let go, “its simpler that way” I say, as if I am trying to speak to the knot in my chest to stop pulling my heart, a heart where I thought each one of you belonged. But you didn’t …because when you left you didn’t respect it as a home, you slammed the door, lost the keys and never cleaned up. It was left *****, with broken windows allowing the cold air in. Don’t ask me why I no longer allow people in…I’m in for repairs.
I always let go, of myself…because I was too busy getting lost in you …wondering if you looked at me as if the stars in my eyes gave your life a whole new meaning…but it didn’t. it was just me. A story created in my head that was like a broken record in case I needed to play it back when life didn’t seem to play fair, the record got scratched because life never did play fair. It played until it broke until reality became a mystery that I myself didn’t even know the ending to.
Don’t ask me why I always let go…no one has given me a reason to hold on so until then, I will look at every moment as my last, shed a tear in hopes that this day won’t be my last, hold onto to you as if this touch will be my last…until eventually and inevitably…I LET GO.
