the moment
i've imagined it many times
someone walks in
startles at my body
slumped
on the bathroom floor
blood
on my wrists
on the floor too
finally free
from this world
i call home
someone calls my mother
she breaks down in tears
wondering why her little girl
has decided
to disappear
when will i muster up the courage
to carry it out
what will finally push me over the edge
who knows
but i promise
when it happens
i'll be ready
to commit
to my decisions
maybe i'll jump off a bridge
or in front of a bus
maybe i'll hang
or maybe just drown
maybe i'll use poison
or maybe starve myself
maybe i'll simply down pill after pill after pill
until i pass out
who knows
only i will
until the time...
that moment arrives

until the time...
that i'm ready
to die