You are right, hard as I try. I'm not the bravest. I think in manifests in the little things, like my passiveness. I got bullied, but I think I let them. I did scream, I did cry, I did back away, but I think truth was, I wanted someone to come save me. All those moves, and ironically, I knew taekwondo when I was being bullied. I could have tried more. But I didn't and there goes three years of my life being the hit-bag for a group of four girls.

Even Josh calls me a carpet. A rug. Someone anyone will walk over. For friends like Josh and Faz. They knew my weakness, it was blatant, but they didn't let anyone else take advantage of me. They were fiercely protective. Josh was outspoken when my ex, Hari tried to speak to me. He scolded me for entertaining Hari. I was an idiot I admit, but I also didn't realise where their protectiveness came from.

I was probably a dumb idiot.

It's along those times when I'm hanging with them, playing ball that you came to the court. This was after that conversation and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to meet you. That I wasn't waiting to see you again, to talk to you.

But with the two of them. I felt so so shy.

You are easily the hottest guy I've ever met and it's so much more easier to approach you when I'm alone, rather than when I'm surrounded by my friends. Not very brave of me.

It took a couple of run-in's before I found the courage to talk to you. Ironically, when all my friends were there. And ****, I knew deep down that you were the one, I wasn't that blind to the sparks. But my cynicism kept me at bay. He's older. He's the alpha of any group and you're just a meek little woof.

And later much much later, I'd break up with my boyfriend at that time for you.

You make me brave. You don't consciously do it, you never did but you are always there and that strength you have inspires strength from anyone, love.

I love you.