To my body that I desperately wanted to disappear
That I tried to shrink
That I yearned to transform into an impossible weight
To my body that I refused to call home
That I hated more than I used to hate the color yellow
That I wanted to get rid of
To my body that made me feel like I was never enough
That kept me alive, even though I wanted so badly for it to die
That I have covered in scars and tattoos in hopes of making it more beautiful
To my body that I am trying to kill—
I am sorry.
I am sorry for not loving you as I now love the color yellow
I am sorry for trying to make you disappear
I am sorry for making you scarred
I am sorry for the pain I have put you through
I am sorry for the tears you have shed over how you appeared in the mirror
I am sorry for trying to bury you away deep into the earth rather than helping you thrive on the face of it
I am sorry for waiting this long to say--I am sorry.