#self
I don’t know who I am.
Sometimes I think
I never did.
And that...
terrifies me.
Being someone
is not taught.
It’s learned
over time.
I spent so much time
becoming someone else
that I never became
my own person.
I became so many
different versions of myself.
Looking in a mirror now...
feels like looking
for someone
who doesn’t exist.
And maybe that’s
what scares me the most.
Not who I became...
but that I never became
someone at all.
6h ago
Jun 4, 2026 at 4:36 PM UTC
We all fall down a time or two, but recovery is up to you Pick yourself back up again surround yourself with family and friends Tell yourself that it is okay to not let anyone get in your way do what's right between you and you There's nothing more important to do Take the time to enjoy the things that bring you joy and makes you sing Go for long walks in the morning Experience nature and everything with glory Enjoy the peace of the night take in the sky's and the starlight Make a wish on one shining bright dance and twirl in the moonlight Take a drive to afar away place where nothing exists but you and space then put a smile upon your face that contentment can't be replaced Enjoy the beauty of every day allow yourself just float away Take a trip inside your mind to a less stressful time and I think that you will find much needed joy in that time
9h ago
Jun 4, 2026 at 1:04 PM UTC
Will someone please explain to me Something that's piqued my curiosity Why is the place that I long to be Is in the arms of the man who's cheating on me? Tell me why I still stand by a man who clearly doesn't try to spare my feelings and not to lie and doesn't give a **** if I cry Why can't he just understand that I need him to be a better man to try hard to be the best he can and attempt to get with the program Why after he breaks my heart does it **** me for us to be apart Every time we make a new start he finds a way to dim our star I know that I should what's right call him up this very night tell him that I really let go that this is something I need to grow.
10h ago
Jun 4, 2026 at 12:47 PM UTC
Why can’t I cry?
Is it because it’s not dark enough in my room,
Or has my heart quietly given up on me too soon?
I stare at the ceiling — it stares back the same,
No lightning, no thunder, just silence and shame.
I press my eyes hard, but the tears won’t fall,
Like I’m standing on the edge, but there's no one to call.
Maybe I’ve felt too much for far too long,
Now even sadness won’t sing me her song.
Maybe the girl who used to feel everything
Has folded her wings… and stopped listening.
Why can’t I cry?
Did I run out of reasons, or out of the sky?
It’s strange to miss the pain I used to hate,
But now I sit, numb, just waiting for fate.
I’m stitched together by silence and empty dreams.
1d ago
Jun 3, 2026 at 1:39 AM UTC
better sit in your soul
talk to indefinite people too
better spend so much time
on how to undone the things
that created you once
from head to toe
better place your soul next to a fire
and take a breath full of resentment
spend some time
it helps you to understand
and talk to obvious yourself too
3d ago
Jun 1, 2026 at 3:06 PM UTC
I don’t want to die a martyr
As I fear I am destined to
I may be smarter
But I fear my untimely death may still be true
I have always been self-sacrificing
I don’t know how to be anything else
The pain is meant to be sanctifying
But it only causes stress
I cannot watch people suffer
I will trade their pain for mine
I tell myself it will make me tougher
Strengthen my spine
Maybe I don’t deserve this debris
Maybe I can become softer
Or maybe this is all I am meant to be
I don’t want to die a martyr
6d ago
May 29, 2026 at 10:14 AM UTC
No one understands loneliness like me.
I was hurting exceptionally for so long,
So I'm leaving,
even if no one understands me.
I don't need your approval.
You can be petty on the internet,
smile at me in person like you always have.
I will choose change every time.
You never knew me.
You were on the outside
and you'll stay there,
because you never tried.
I'm leaving.
Because I know me.
I choose change;
I choose growth.
May 27
May 27, 2026 at 2:08 PM UTC
inner so empty my
out so empty side
fear on seventh
repetitive
all loving
countdown clock face
all grace and strength
flowed into your heart
inner so colourful
like a praying mantis by its look
a peacock inside
May 25
May 25, 2026 at 8:25 AM UTC
You wake up in this world,
Your head feels numb,
Take a look around;
Trying to grasp what's been
And gone.
Eaten up by questions;
You want answers,
You want them now...
It's not always that simple.
Fresh Beginnings,
Brand new Start,
It sounds so easy;
In reality - it's hard.
I never wanted to feel like this,
My body's here,
However my mind?
It's in a Twist.
Drugs, drink, words and Actions.
People looking
Making their own Conclusions;
Life?
What's it to be?
How're we meant to lead it?
We make decisions,
Others may not agree with.
Thinking back to when I was young,
All those laughs I had,
That harmless fun.
They say "be careful
'Cause your life passes Quick"
How're you to know what they're talking about when you're only six?
Not every decision is right;
Not every choice Bright.
It's now I look back
On my life long Mistakes,
I look back to the path
That led me to this place.
Feeling stuck in the Fight,
With their beady eyes looking in.
Every choice has been made;
I wasn't ready to Learn.
I'm not going to lie,
I won't say it wasn't fun.
But they cast their judgement,
Without looking at themselves;
Their own faults or Misdirection;
So my bubble went up
For my own Protection.
Not to be sectioned
Or Questioned;
No hesitation
Or commiseration.
Just to be Stationed.
I'm patient.
I'm trying to believe all this.
It's hard to carry on;
How about I leave this ship...
I need to get a Grip.
I'm now at a point
Where I can look at my life,
It's time to decide,
I can no longer Hide.
Hide beneath Uncertainties,
Hide under Feelings;
Hiding from Me.
You see...
You can't run from yourself
And all you've Felt,
But you can open your eyes,
Take a deep breath
...And exhale.
You knew you were wrong,
You needed help
No one could help you;
Only yourself.
I don't believe in regrets,
The thought brings me down.
How can you learn?
You must look back,
Smile
And be
Proud
May 24
May 24, 2026 at 3:59 PM UTC
midday sun has washed off all the stain in paradise under god
unknown dwelling place for me
that's in this world
i’m neither happy nor wrong
true self is elsewhere
with sea forces and fire
abandoned by the nature
birds stopped
am i?
May 24
May 24, 2026 at 6:17 AM UTC
I almost didn't lie that I was okay
I almost told the truth about how I felt
I almost opened up about my feelings
I almost said that I stay up late overthinking every little thing
I almost walked across the street when there were cars driving by
I almost cut myself
I almost burnt myself
I almost did something that I couldn't reverse
I almost made my parents only have two kids and not three
I almost didn't make it to graduation
I almost didn't have a future
I almost
But I didn't
May 24
May 24, 2026 at 4:23 AM UTC
I once thought
that I wanted to become the sun.
If I were the sun,
its light would burn the eyes,
and no one would be able
to look directly at me.
Even if, in the middle of the city,
I laid bare every part of myself,
surely no one
could truly see who I am.
And yet—
no one would ever forget
that I existed.
To be unseen by anyone,
yet still be felt by everyone.
There was something about that
I quietly envied.
And even as I thought such things,
the sun above my head
kept burning me,
quietly, without pause.
May 23
May 23, 2026 at 10:33 AM UTC
You are your parents most predictable child
Always stagnant
Never changing
Life is a river and you are a rock
Embedded deep in the soil below
Never giving into the water
Just take take take
May 22
May 22, 2026 at 10:57 PM UTC
When the Mirror's image brings the utmost revulsion
Why make a change when you can just break the mirror?
Gouge out your own eyes and live in nothing but Delusion
Walking around blind to the Truth
Denial Personified
The whispers and taunts of Guilt, Shame, and Self Loathing ever present in your thoughts
Giving rise to a maddening Anger that makes you want to crack the world with your Impotent Fury
To Unleash all of the boiling Hatred inside and leave the world the same kind of Wasteland you let your own conscience become
The epitome of Barren and Lifeless
Strewn about with festering swamps of your Darkest deeds
Poisonous fumes permeate the dead air with a corrosive Toxin that has now become your Oxygen
No longer a living being, but a creature of Nightmare
The Foulest of all sentient beings more Repulsive than the most Horrendous fantasies and fears the human mind can conjure
Cursing the world around you as you plummet headfirst into the Abyss of your own free will
A place where no light will shine, save for the Blaze from the fires of your own Destruction
Its Ashes rain eternal as an ever constant reminder of each Unholy act
Even deprived of all sensory and olfactory functionality
The Sins and Transgressions can never be hidden or forgotten
No matter what direction you hurl the blame, it always boomerangs back around to strike you between the eyes with the same amount of force all your Evil has conjured
Sliding, Tumbling, Careening,
Down
Down
Down
Further into the Ravine of immeasurable Waste
Upon impact at the bottom of this self induced Sinkhole
The Accusatory gaze of innumerable demons fix their bleeding red eyes at the pile of refuse that has landed in their midst
Mocking laughter is the only soundtrack in this Diabolical den of Decay
Forever lost in the unending realm of Torment crafted bt your own blood stained hands
No matter the extent of your rueing, there is no escape from what you have deliberately unleashed
Your own Jailer and Executioner
There will be no Trial
No Appeals
No Pardons
No Redemption
As you beg to hear the swing of the Headsman's Axe, the scene becomes still
As the Jagged teeth if a thousand twisted smiles surround you
Cackles and Snickers abound
You beg to blind and deaf yourself again but no relief shall ever come
Welcome to your Hand crafted Hell
May 22
May 22, 2026 at 5:15 PM UTC
I’ve been thinking about the soul
not as something holy
but something separate that doesn’t ask my mind for permission
like a dim factory light
flickering when things get heavy
but still finding the switch
before everything shuts down
what keeps it moving
when everything breaks
does it get lost
after something devastating
mine felt scattered
like the world is slipping through my hands
and won’t tell me where it’s going
how does it stitch itself back together
what teaches it
to believe in “fine” again
because somewhere in the dark
where everything goes quiet
I swear
it feels something
before I do
May 21
May 21, 2026 at 11:36 AM UTC
My days are spent asleep,
My nights spent awake.
The silence of darkness,
Employed by the escape of the dreamworld.
I have slept away most of today,
"Wasted so much time".
But despite being in dreamland for hours,
I am still just as exhausted as I was before I went.
Exhausted of pretending.
Exhausted of saying "I'm fine".
Because how do you tell them you aren't ok,
When you don't even know why?
I know it will get better,
I hope and pray that it will.
I pray to a God that isn't even listening,
Because even he was abandoned me.
"Doing well" and "getting better" are not the same thing.
I wish they were,
So that I wouldn't have to keep complaining,
Keep bothering the people who love me.
My chest feels tight and numb,
My shoulders weak and heavy.
My stomach cries out for me to feed it,
Even though it won't stay fed for long.
I'm so useless,
Just dead weight with a name.
I float on a high on pain,
Before crushing those below with the weight of my fall.
They say I'm beautiful.
They say I'm kind.
But they don't see the monster I'm holding back,
The girl they don't want to see.
"Knowledge is power",
And I hold a lot of it.
I hold the ability to hurt those I love,
And make it sting for a long time yet to come.
The girl they don't see is hidden for that reason,
And no she won't come out to play.
For she will use you like a toy,
And discard you when she's done.
These people claim they want me here,
Want me to stay because they love me.
I don't know why they do,
When I'd be worth more if I was gone.
I don't want to **** myself.
Or maybe I do, I don't know anymore.
Maybe that's why that blade is pushed further each time,
My subconscious searching for the thing to end it all, buried deep within my flesh.
I'm tired.
So tired.
So numb.
So far gone.
What use am I other than to serve others?
But I can't even do that.
There are many reasons to stay,
But what about the reason not to stay?
Maybe I'm the reason not to stay.
I'm too much,
I'm too emotional,
No one wants to hear about another girl who wants to die.
I'm just a number, a statistic,
Put under the category of "mentally ill".
Another part of a percentage,
A percentage that don't eat, sleep,
Or even dare to breathe.
So maybe I should just stop.
Stop trying to be someone I'm not,
Someone I can't be.
Because maybe staying is the illness and leaving would be a kindness.
May 20
May 20, 2026 at 1:33 PM UTC
Hello its me again ,it's been a while since we've laid down the complexed inner workings of this twisted mind..trying to make sense of all the noise of being constantly bombarded by questions of a vain existence while playfully fighting the urge to shove a cactus down my throat and out of my *** ..that sounds fun.. If that's your kink stay.. and let me tell you about how I,this awkward pile of fieces made a brief attempt to end himself by...ah...shit shame he's dead..where were we again...treading on the fine line between life and death In and out of consciousness once more or whatever you call it an never ending taunting of fate ,a **** you to death ..
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 10:54 AM UTC
I'm tired.
Tired of holding my hands,
Hands that have seen my dark cold blood.
I'm tired.
Tired of putting on interludes.
Interludes that I wish, I was a part of.
I'm tired.
Tired of me
May 14
May 14, 2026 at 1:09 AM UTC
The state is seised of the territory,
kingdom's drunk to the crest of victory,
but the cellar is filled with a story
of the boy left behind.
She asked for my honesty;
too far I went,
did what was right,
won her tear.
For being brave doesn't mean eliminating fear.
So, did it happy,
did it sad,
did it angry,
did it scared,
didn't succumb to hope,
although it felt dope,
but hope was no dope.
It would have made me dope..
For I never had hope,
my priority was and still is,
and always will be,
conviction!
May 18
May 18, 2026 at 1:36 AM UTC
The sunlight is what the moon reflects... so do I have a light of my own?
I tried mirroring the stars once— swimming through an endless abyss to be admired from afar.
But how can’t I loathe such a beauty?
Yes, they see me; bright and high. Looming over a blackened sky.
But I know that light was never truly mine.
We're separated by design.
...in the shadows of the darkest night, they expect me to provide.
But even the moon gets scared at times, and a part of myself still hides.
May 17
May 17, 2026 at 2:38 PM UTC
If you get in a relationship with me
You will have me in my good hair day
But also me in my bad hair day
You will see me shining bright and confident doing what I love doing
But there are days when you see me doubting myself and struggling with my own demons
You will have me at my best but also at my worst
Because I am not a buffet where you can pick and choose the things you love and abandon the the things you don’t
Because I am a rainbow that you cannot have without the rain
For there are always mornings and nights
But how beautiful it is to see the sun kisses goodbye at the moon as it sets
How the morning mists greet the leaves at dawn
For I have my bright sides but also the dark sides
I win some and lose some
I smiled and I cried
But that is the beauty of it
If you get in a relationship with me
May 17
May 17, 2026 at 2:02 PM UTC
Could I be a full moon?
I've only ever related to a half.
Whether it's a glass nearly empty
or less than a whole.
Can I be someone full?
The kind of person who glows
Even when their cup isn't overflowing?
I want to know what I'm capable of
May 17
May 17, 2026 at 10:03 AM UTC
Trigger Warning: Implications of Self-Harm
A poem i made for a dear friend of mine.
# She Is A Nurse, In Life.
--
She is my friend.
She is a light to me.
She is so bright, that to her, she sees nothing.
And I am blinded, by her potential.
She is sweet.
She is broken.
She is capable.
She is hopeless.
She has potential.
But lacks inner focus.
She has a future.
But she sees no road.
She is a nurse.
She is certified.
She is a nurse.
She wants to save lives.
She is a nurse.
But does not want to save herself.
She is a nurse.
A nurse in life.
A nurse in life and a light.
She is a nurse.
Why can't she see that she is right?
She is my friend.
She is a light to me.
She has scars.
But that does not mean you can't be free.
||Your harm.||
||Your hurt.||
||Your sharp.||
||Your edge.||
||Your self-belief in destructive destiny.||
||It's not the end.||
||Why can't you see?||
||You are a nurse.||
||A nurse in life.||
||You want to save lives, but not yourself?||
It makes me angry.
It makes me passionate.
It makes me scared.
It makes me determined.
You are a nurse.
You are a nurse, a nurse in life.
||Put down the knife.||
||Put it down and listen to me.||
||Please.||
A world without you, is a worse one.
She is a nurse.
A nurse in life.
She is my friend.
She is a light to me.
Why can't she see it?
Why does she refuse to?
I will never know.
I can only pray.
Thank you, Z.
May 16
May 16, 2026 at 11:46 PM UTC
I look through my old poetry and think,
wow.
I went through so much.
It’s funny that
now that there is a two in front of my age,
things from the past seem so … small.
forgotten.
I don’t miss them anymore.
May 15
May 15, 2026 at 10:02 PM UTC