All I could do is believe
That I could achieve and accomplish anything
It drained me with every step
I lost my way
My life changed
I couldn't do this anymore
I needed parafillia to survive
It became too hard too live
To easy to want to take my life
As the thought came
The smile walked away
But it changed the playing field
I had been alive but never lived
If I jumped off a bridge
Or ran into a speeding car
As the thought took over my mind
It made me see,
how the life of people would be better without me
as I cried everyday till my tearduct dried up ;
as I woke up each day
I wished I had died the night before ,
just you wait ,
as I thought that way I started feeling as a burden more and more and more
I reached into my innermost self
as I entered it was dark
then I saw a little light ,
I moved toward the light
,it was so dark that you could cut the darkness with a knife ,          
  I started searching for my soul as I reached
where it should be it was gone ,
I was a ship without a captain
I went ahead to find my heart ,
the closer I got I could hear the heartbeat
I smiled saying at least I have a heart
when I went into my heart all I could see was a stereo playing the heartbeat sound,
it was also empty,
it turns out I am an abomination ,
I was dead but thought I was alive
my soul and heart left without saying a word ;
how could they hate me so
as I fell to the ground and lost what little sanity I had left
all I could think of was oh the insanity
Oh the beautiful insanity