Sometimes I wish you had something to say
Just anything
Anything
Give me nonsense
Give me sorrow
Give me jokes
Give me words that have no meaning
Just give me
Something

We sit in silence
That dreaded and loathsome silence
Even though it was you who called
It’s not the first time I have wondered
Why
You even called at all
If this very act was built for talking
Why you can do nothing
But wait
Lips closed
In silence.
Wait for me to fill the voids you leave
To smooth the lapses in our speech
To hide the weakness together we seem to make
A lack of conversation
A lack of something to say

I was glad you called
I expect the silence but fail to get used to it
Fail not to be wounded by it
All I wanted was to talk to you today
Fall into the arms that hold me safe
Steady
And let all my worries fade away
With every beat of your heart
But that old complaint
The same one that keeps surfacing
Despite the excuses I make
Rise again

"Tell me something good"
I beg,
A desperate plea for help.
As her blackened jaws close around me
Her cold teeth sinking deep
As she tears chunks of me away
And you pause
Deafeningly.

"Give me something, anything"
"Give me something to save me from her!"
My heart cries to you, Ma Coeur for deliverance.
But
All I can hear is her sickening sound
As you scramble
Over the wall rising between us
To say
‘I don’t have anything to say’.

I know it’s unfair
To have laid so much hope upon you
To believe you could save me from this.
My hope has wounded me more than your silence ever did.
And it’s not a problem to you
Your lifeblood doesn’t run with letters
There’s always words with me, in strange shapes sometimes only I want to know and other times
Pouring from me in cascades.

The times I flood and empty
Sustains us
But the creeks are running dry
My veins shrivel up
And I wonder why it never just
Flows
Easy and effortless
Between us
And the saddest fear haunts my mind
That this weakness will break us with time.
This lack of words will eat our love alive
Perhaps sooner if she keeps consuming me
Mouthfuls at a time.

I know it’s
Just who you are.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
But in the pain of my dashed last hopes
I dismiss you,
‘You knew you’d find no comfort here. He can never offer you those words you need. He’s not built like that’
But knowing offers me no respite
From the crushing weight
Of my disappointment descending
With the final close
Of her jaws.
I am alone
I am lost in the darkness
Again

Ma Coeur Ma Coeur
Where are you

Voiceless
I cry for help
Thinly veiled in our strained phone call
And how I wish I knew
how to make you
hear me.

Ma Coeur Ma Coeur
Where are you

"Return to dust"
She commands me
Her voice grating against my senses
Her jaws twisting sickeningly
Distorting and changing me.
I weep and tremble
And call for you
As if by some miracle
You’d suddenly be able to hear me
As if, if you heard me
You’d be able to save me.

My Heart Ma Coeur
Help me.

Reduced to weeping
Knowing you’ll never have
what I need to
Survive her.
But
Heavy and lost
I still call for you
Stupidly
Pathetically
Over and over and over
Even
As my voice cuts off
When she swallows me
Completely.