i hope
to always be grateful
in everything i do.

there is a feeling
of tender bite
when you don't get your
way or what you might
have expected out of life.
but i hope
even with those failures
aplenty
i will remain humble
and loyal to my call
for compassion and
light in this life of mine.

i feel
the past six months have
changed my very face
even of everything i believe
and all i stand for.
my eyes blink differently
and my face is sharper
with more lines
from smiling and worry
even my eyes have sunk
deeper into my skull
making me look almost hollow
and yet some days i am almost
golden in color
depression stuck around my neck
like a loose noose.
anxiety making my fingertips
quiver and my lips bleed
from dreaming in the night
flashes of life that i left
life that will never be
and life that can be if only
i would set the world right.

most of all though
the change comes in
honesty and open heart
with the sun riding
on my shoulder
even in the deepest night
with that light,
i cannot be extinguished
and my hope for the world
will continue to blossom
into the very flowers
bluebells
that line the roadways
to my beautiful texas home.

yearning for that open sky
i close my eyes and
there is a vastness of blue
that consumes my very being
changing into white light
and freedom from my negative
strife and uncomfortable
disposition.
for no longer am i attached to this world.
i am a vessel
and this great and terrible beauty
that i am
becomes a figure of peace
and calmness in the center
of hell itself.