“I can be an *******”
but he was falling for me fastly
I couldn’t tell, but i saw his eyes well up up up
we got high
started to chew on the lack of emotion
i thought i over reacted
But he knew that his silence hit the walls of the room
Reverberating
through my bones, warmth left the first layer of my skin, the walls
built up, resentment shook my lungs,
burn burn
I IMPLODED
and maybe he lost me, scared, what’s wrong, what’s wrong?

I didn’t feel like a woman, like my ethos prevailed
weak, pushed up against that blue fence
i was scared
little girl, little me — scared to lose him
mother didn't take my tears,
“you’re the reason i can’t go to work”
I am not sorry,
they stuck their hands in places and motions i didn’t know,
Eleven years old
i learned fastly too

i learned how to close up, shut up, die away slowly,
don’t complain, you have it good —
but i couldn’t be a burden,
i didn’t want to lose them, him,
did you know that i knew
how to lack of sound, no emotions since I was eleven?
I will be patient, patient and soft, soft and lackluster,
i’ll moan if you're quiet,
touch you, kiss you,
when you want me to,
i’ll grovel for your affections, it’s the only know-how i know.

so when you’re not speaking,
not emoting,
just know that i know,
I've lived to know how to read,
to understand silently, look at your eyes and know,
i know,
you can be an *******.