with a heavy heart and heavy steps
i climb the stairs
and enter the void.
Emptiness - my silent, inhospitable host.
She has prepared nothing --
offers nothing.
nothing but Her smothering, palpable, deafening presence.
my shoulders drop all the more as She takes hold and draws me in.
then, for the longest time i stand,
having moved no further than those few steps into Her house.
She does not care to make me comfortable.
why should She?
from within my being
hunger cries out.
an insatiable yearning
no, not for food but for more --
so much more.
i long for him to hold me close;
for his breath to settle upon my neck.
i crave his nearness as he whispers in my ear;
telling me everything will be alright.
my body aches to be touched.
my being cries to be held.
my heart hungers for something it has tasted,
but knows it cannot have.
i know not how to satisfy those needs;
only the simplest of necessities.
i have not eaten this long and busy day
and so, as i do many days of late,
i take from Her cupboard
and prepare a dinner of breakfast cereal.
there seems no point in sitting.
why seek comfort with one that does not wish to give it?
so i stand beside the island bench in Her kitchen;
eat out of necessity;
and drink in Her ceaseless, deafening mockery.
"how apt", i think,
and then smirk along with Her;
as i realise i truly am standing on an island --
alone.