I watched you lying there
blinking and moving slowly—
like someone only just stirring from a pleasant dream
you looked at me, peaceful as always
I asked
                (who? I do not know; but I asked,)
“She’s really dead, isn’t she?”
the devastation ringing clearly in my words,
yet there was a calmness surrounding it all
perhaps disconnected, but at least my voice stayed steady.
I walked to you
and embraced you.
you squeezed me back
your arms were cold
a natural cold, not the cold I felt on that day.
we just sat there.  still hugging.
stretching the moment as long as the universe would allow us
as I squeezed you closer, you let out a small burp
it was so you, I couldn’t help but smile
the small sound left an aching that echoed
through my entire being
I held you close and spoke softly, but with an unfamiliar intensity
into your ear,
“I love you
                                so
                                                much,
                                                                Allie.”
and with that I released you
I felt you fade away
slipping out of my grasp
and at that moment,
I awoke with tears quietly streaming down my face
at the realization that I will never again
be able to touch you,
or see your smiling face
without the help of my weak, imperfect memory
because you are gone from me,
gone from everything.