Wine lips pressed together
the moment I realized your humanity
Behind that air of pride and smirk
someone I had so desperately
Sought to separate from
Has now become the one human
I cannot ever be separate from.

I looked at you. You looked at me.
Your pools of copper beckoning
And begging me to just try for once
something that was so seemingly easy
such a danger to my precious heart
For which I had built a concrete fortress.

But all at once, when you pulled me in
Against my own car, and kissed me
Gentler than the breeze
kisses the river during the Texas summers, it all washed away.
My fortress defeated by the simple
Red stained lips of the suitor who
Eventually lead me by the hand through my darkest moments of sheer terror and
Brutal pits of depressive states I never touched.
I envy those who lived without my scars but I can’t see my life without you to tend to them. Caressing even my thorniest passages of self defeat and depreciation.

I also do not envy those who live lives without the unforgettable touch that you leave with me, fingerprints on my very soul. Gentle and pressed in with some kind of magic understanding of my very aura. Something even 6,000 miles could not leave me blank. Changed by you.

I look back to those moments.
Pulling me in. Your look of adoration.
The power you put behind me.
Lights off, lights on. Daylight or evening.
Colliding again and again, creating some
Kind of unique friction that fuels the very stars.

How you so easily unlocked me. Unhinged me. Undid all that was laced, blackened from years of abuse and things even I have never spoken of to you...but you have healed them with your complex, sustaining, passionate, Love.
I can’t love or live without you.
You fuel the fire that powers my entire being
My muse. Something deeper than even I understand. I won’t give up ever again.
For now, I know what life is like without you;

Bleak. Empty wine bottles. Bruises from nights I don’t want to remember. Sunshine depleted from my center. Cascading, blackened blood from a knife held too close. Ghosts and skeletons. Reaching. To take me to a hell I never want to live in again.

But I’m coming home.
And home is where the heart is.
You’ve kept it for a long time now.
Safe.
Away from the people and things that would truly shatter it.
Your arms. My safety.