i cannot fathom
whether you will be the greatest love I have ever known
or the equivalent to a shakespearean tragedy

i cannot fathom
if i will amount to a literary mastermind
or a struggling artist bleeding dry in a dead end job

i cannot fathom
why my friends choose to stay
do they love me?
or are they too nice and pitiful to leave me?

i cannot fathom
whether i am truly sad
or if my mind is tricking me with a multitude of mixed signals

i cannot fathom
i cannot fathom
i cannot fathom
my reason for breathing
but i haven't been able to fathom a reason for some time
i lost it when i couldn't fathom how to breathe and why sweet air in my lungs felt like.