I held onto my delusions for too long.
Your vellum eyes spoke to me
And I translated what they were saying into what I wanted to hear.
But now
You don’t love me.
If you loved me, this wouldn’t be happening.
I wouldn’t be waiting around for you
Like those girls I hate
Those girls who pine and cry and don’t do **** to make their life happen.
I turned myself into what I despise.

I am capable of such abject cruelty
To the men whose hearts I possess
That I disgust myself.
I look back at what I’ve done and I don’t even recognize myself.
And hell, I’m strong.
I can lift my own weight
I’ve never been too tired to fight off my own demons.
But I can’t lift a finger against you.
This man I fought for instead of against.
The only weapon I have is the one I can’t bring myself to use.

I’ll hold onto silence as long as I can.
But even I know that it won’t be long before I give in.