The cold creeps in.
Familiar friend, that same despair.
My heart folds in

on itself — an origami thing, flipped
and smoothed out by the fidgety
hands of a girl needing distracting.

For the first time in my life
that I remember, I am quite sure
I do not want to die.

God knows why. Maybe it was
seeing her in the casket,
hearing the noiseless howling.

Or maybe you are the meaning of life.
When you chastise me for staring
because I can't tear my eyes away

for fear I might blink and be dreaming,
or that you might not want to stay.
If I let go you might leave me.

I'm petrified of the cliff edge
of tumbling into the water
and hitting the rocks on the bottom.

I love you.
Oh my God, I love you.
What have I got myself into?