It's been awhile
since I've been able to smile
and hold my head up high
and there is really no
reason why.

I have been
given a mind to discover
and talent to create
but I am always just
a day late.

I spend so much time
wondering why I just can't relate
to so much going on out there
in a world of hate, lies,
and little trust and of course
those great big egos.

The world that I create
around myself is filled with
love, truth, honesty, and kindness
yet this is a world
no one chooses to see
around me because
of what I used
to be.

Almost as if I wasn't real
yet others always
seem to be looking for
something
to steal.

There are countless
paths of knowledge and many
ways to give
but only I can live the life
that I really want
to live.

Get rid of my pain
I tell myself
this pain from losing people
and things that
I thought were here
to stay but seemed
to go astray.

I give love at the risk
that it will not be returned
and when it isn't I wonder
if I am giving too much love
or not enough
but the pain still comes
just as surely as
the rain.

I try to free myself
from the wasted past of things
and loves that were
never meant to last
and I try to never feel guilty
because I didn't live up
to another's expectations
or because I didn't meet
another's standards.

One of these days I hope
that I will be able to finally see
all of what has been going on
right in front of me
so that I can be
set free.

But for now
I just allow the words to flow
and I watch where they go
hoping that they might
catch someone's eye
and be read before
I am dead.                                                       Jon York                2012