"What's wrong Penelope Cockwad? Why are you so sad?" ~ "People judge me unfairly because of my name." ~ "That's tough. Why don't you change it?" ~ "Change it?" ~ "Yes, Penelope Cockwad. Change your name." ~ Six months later I meet Penelope Cockwad by chance. "Hello Penelope Cockwad," I say, "I've not seen you since March." ~ "Yes," she says with a grin. "I took your advice." ~ "My advice?" ~ "My name, silly. I changed it. You can stop calling me  Penelope Cockwad & call me by my new name, Paula Cockwad."