I'm not going to lie. I don't want to rhyme. Its 5 am and I'm thinking about how the time has been spent. How I'm now going to invent a way to be clever or crass but brass doesn't retain it's veneer unless it's polished. It stays clear. And so here I sit for the 27th hour of the day thinking of what to say, sour when my words are failing me. Where to start, I guess we could unravel the heart. I never had a problem with you pulling it apart. Because we would look inside to find what's missing. And together stitch it up with a necessary revision. And look at me reminiscing. And look at me all nostalgiac. I think the truth of the matter is that I can't miss you because I'm sick. I CAN'T allow the tears to come because it'd be too quick. I can't stop rhyming because I'm trying to say... something legitimate and embrace what you used to tell me. To recognize that side of my soul that could dive so deep. Instead I hear EVE 6 turning my heartbeat to a beautiful oblivion. And think I could distract myself from what has been haunting me since we went our separate ways. Or how you came into my mind so many times tonight... It was as if I was speaking with a familiar face. See for me understand I am a different kind of sober whale. I can't even find release while begging please and breaching the surface to just let it cease without indulging in despondence but the tears won't come and I think it's drowning me. Then I think this is so right with insight of the way we treated each other wrong inconspicuously and the burdens placed upon these lives. And all along I'd try to make a case and point regardless if it was yours or mine. I'd find value in the lesson and perplexion and what still doesn't make sense is how I'm ******* second guessing. My mind won't let me shut it off so maybe that's why I'm stressing? I had a single moment of clarity. Let's wait a moment and see if I will wake up before I sleep. Let's see if I reload this gun just for fun at what's taunting me. Let's see how many metaphors I can think of to wash away the tide. The only thing that's filled my dreams since the moment we said goodbye. I apologize for my intrusion, but it's no delusion when you and I were so INTegral there was no confusion. I felt the smallest waves you'd make and we'd come together full fledgling fusion. Diffusing what didn't serve us and make room for convalescence. But this time what I say may just explain why we slipped into evanescence. Because I just pulled off the latest trick from my belt that I fashioned as armor and wore as a pelt. But a one trick pony only has so many tickets to sell until realizing that his grandeur is his hell. So let me tell you what I know now. There's no place for me in your life. It's not right. And I didn't say goodbye. I didn't even try. I was so convinced that I was doing us a service and operating on pretenses. And now our time has passed and I'm grateful to have those fences to look over and know that I was truly blessed with something profound. Because you lifted me into the sky and I brought you to the ground. And all I deserve is nostalgia and the tears that I found. I just wish that I could tell you how much you mean to me. There will never come another like you. Not with your serendipity. One more cheap rhyme probably forms a design But I couldn't believe what I was selling. And you know Nissa that I know what it is to be a felon. So I'll go on telling the same story but I wanted you to know... It was with you only that so ever felt like home. And I learned there's a difference between what we know and what we believe. And what I know will never grant me any reprieve. I'm so caught in denial spinning spirals and trying to convince myself I miss the idea of you and me. But it's a lie and I know it. I miss your truth, our bond, and your ferocity. And that philosophy could never surmount to that pretense. The arrogant dense ***** who told you there was no recompense. There's no idea of us, only what we were. And I fantasize now of how I compromised when you were sure. I had every intention that my decision would provide a final cure. But there I go again like that filters out my impurity. Like a last ditch effort could ever comfort you now. I just hope that somehow you'll read this. I never grieved over you and very few eyes will see this.