It has been harder
To write these last few days
Because I feel as if I have nothing super new
To say
And all I want to write about
Is you
And how I had to leave
Again.

It is morning
Light piano in the background
Drinking coffee
And sometimes
I think of all the things you taught me.

It is a wonder just how
You looked at me when you returned
Eating some of your kale chips
Like I had never really left your side
But it was the more recently updated
Version of me
You thought you wanted.

That fact has been
Swirling within
And without me
Since I walked out of your apartment
4 days ago.

Today when I woke up
The weight felt less heavy
Like I really might be moving forward
And I felt a moment
When I got out of the car
Into the night
Where I thought
"My life just like this. Growing. Youthful. It is great."

It is truly strange
And will probably never not be strange
That I once again
Have looked a man full of love for me
In the face
And said
No

I deserve so much more.