somehow i'm awake when i wish i'm not. i'm awake when he leaves at midnight and i'm awake when he returns at two o'clock. i'm awake to hear him shifting in his bed, i'm awake when he talks to her. and i wish it was all in my head.
who is he talking to? nobody, he says.
wishing i was asleep, i'm awake when he laughs. and i beat myself up because i shouldn't be worried about that.
yet i am. i'm awake to make myself bleed to see if i still give a ****.
he promised to tell me everything but this, he doesn't want me to know. is he moving on too fast or am i too slow?