I like to disappear,
When I go to this place
I will be putting myself there
And I don't know what to wear.
I haven't done this for so long,
When I went to parties then you just wear
Jeans and a t-shirt.
The people invited I see go to parties,
Through pictures formed of pixels on my phone,
The connection to the outside world without leaving my bed;
It's kind of easier I guess.
They wear short dresses
And get way too drunk for their heads.
I'm not sure I have any dress I could wear and fit in with the rest,
Somewhere it takes so much effort to be in.

I ask 'come save me?'
But no ones there,
No one can do a thing.

How can you hide in a bathroom,
To practise your breathing,
If you can't even get up and find it?
And how can I be somewhere crying,
If I will never be alone?
Even if I get to a toilet,
Many people will come and go
Especially with all the alcohol.
The more I try to avoid it,
The faster it's here to destroy me.
How can I be enthusiastic and happy
For my best friend
Because it's her birthday
When I can't say or do a thing?

I'll have to do it one day,
I'll have to do it one day,
But I don't have to if I avoid it everyday.
Who says I need to go to parties?
Not me exactly,
But I can already feel what it will be like
When I'm thirty knowing that I wasted all my teenage and young adult years.
I just can't put up with all the fears.

This time I'm obligated,
By myself, she said she won't force me,
Guessed that I wouldn't becoming,
And I told her I will,
How could I not?
The more I think, the harder it gets.
Part of me at some point thought it might be good to try.
Do I really want to fail in front of that many people?
These are the people I hide from at school.
I don't go to the common room because it's full of other people.

I'm sure they think it's weird,
What I'm like, that is.
I used to constantly be asked
If I was alright,
Just because I was silent at these things.
I pulled a smile and said "yeah, why?"
They spoke about me being quiet, not saying anything.
I said that's all it is,
But it's a social thing.