I've seen them all disappear

All my friends givin' away their lives to ***, drugs, and beer.

There's a lack of reason for hope in their lives and yet still

Something within them thrives.

They've made the choice to quell God's voice while I strive so very hard to hear and to listen and yet still!

All I feel is lost and confused it's like all my strength is used and my trust abused

I feel like a sailor on a ship lost at sea with nothing left but a knife and some T3's

I'm trying so very hard to follow God's calling but you see it's VERY HARD when He's the only one calling

No place to stay except a place that wants to send you away or lead you astray

Make a choice make a choice they cry and I reply can't you hear God's voice and all I get is well that's not practical

So now I find myself in an ever shrinking bubble trying to avoid trouble but it's OH SO HARD when He's the only one calling!

All I can think about is the people who've left and gone astray, taking their own path saying Hey this must be the way!

They're only living for them self and God sits in the bible on their shelf waiting

While His desires grow dusty and cold in the darkest recesses of their mind my

Oh my.

I really do not want that to be me cuz as far as I can see Jesus said COME, FOLLOW ME and a fully alive disciple is all I want to be.

I used to struggle with the verse about hating your own family but I've come to learn that I really hate, what they want for me to be successful safe and happy.

I don't understand where all this depression is coming from!!

But one thing I understand is that it's hard to live in this land and follow God's calling, when He's the only one calling.

I want to remain faithful, but then my old friend Mr. doubt comes along and rears his head.

His favorite time to come around is late at night when I'm trying to go to bed.

He says I have been led astray and Jesus is not the only way

And I always say you're right, He's not.

BUT THE REST ARE LIES and as Jon Foreman oh so graciously said, "the water keeps on fallin' from my eyes"

I've read all the verses about God's provision and how He gives gifts to those who keep His kingdom the number one priority in aaaall of their decisions But honestly in this small town it's hard to make a livin'...and still feel like you're livin'.

All this doubt and worry hurts cuz the devil often flirts with my imagination shouting WHAT IF YOU FAIL or WHAT IF YOU'RE WRONG or what if you don't even have the words to finish this song?

See I wish I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me but in all honesty lately it hasn't felt like He's been doing anything for me.

But I still suppose that Christ has much more than a plan for me.

It's just that sometimes it's really hard to see.

Cuz it's really hard to follow God's calling when He's the only one calling me.