Aug 2017
I thought i had known love before.
Had grasped it and even wore it proudly for a while.
But it wasnt until you became part of my existence that i began to fathum this pure and horrific thing.
You gave me butteflies and made my knees sore and i dreamed of you.
Oh how i longed to touch all the time.
Theres were moments i didnt think i could do it; that we wouldnt make it but we did. We pushed through.
Well i pushed-you fought to stay still but i forced you along until you gave in.
Theres nothing like being a mother.
I didnt even see your face before i started crying.
And i when i held you for the first time truly held you on my arms i know i loved you.
I love you more than anything in this entire world.
More than anyone would love you.
I knew that there wasnt a thing i wouldnt do to protect you.
Id lie for you, steal for you, hurt for you, **** or be killed for you.
I hadnt realized that i wasnt living, i wasnt loving, i wasnt me without you.
Id look at your sleeping face and id cry because i was so happy.
I had thought i knew what happiness felt like.
I was so wrong.
And then the butterflies came back and it made me sick.
I new you wouldnt be alone for long and it scared me.
I was afraid that i wouldnt be able to love him as much as you because i had already given you my entire heart.
I hated myself because i knew how unfair that would be to him.
For he wasnt even born and he had never done anything wrong or would he ever in my eyes.
Then they cut me open and yanked him out and i heard him cry and that sound was so pure and so perfect and so everything that you were.
I looked at him and i loved him just as much.
With everything that was in me.
It was like my heart grew a whole other heart to so i could love him the same.
I looked into his eyes and he was every ounce of beautiful just as you.
And you can up to him and held him and kissed him and i knew you loved him the same way that i did.
The same way that i love you.
I cried for the both of you because i loved you both so much it was hard to breathe and the only thing i could see was yall.
The only thing i could do then and can do now is love you.
Love you both for rest of my life.
You are my only true and honest and pure and magical and special loves.
You are my soulmates.
My everythings.
I love you boys.
Had grasped it and even wore it proudly for a while.
But it wasnt until you became part of my existence that i began to fathum this pure and horrific thing.
You gave me butteflies and made my knees sore and i dreamed of you.
Oh how i longed to touch all the time.
Theres were moments i didnt think i could do it; that we wouldnt make it but we did. We pushed through.
Well i pushed-you fought to stay still but i forced you along until you gave in.
Theres nothing like being a mother.
I didnt even see your face before i started crying.
And i when i held you for the first time truly held you on my arms i know i loved you.
I love you more than anything in this entire world.
More than anyone would love you.
I knew that there wasnt a thing i wouldnt do to protect you.
Id lie for you, steal for you, hurt for you, **** or be killed for you.
I hadnt realized that i wasnt living, i wasnt loving, i wasnt me without you.
Id look at your sleeping face and id cry because i was so happy.
I had thought i knew what happiness felt like.
I was so wrong.
And then the butterflies came back and it made me sick.
I new you wouldnt be alone for long and it scared me.
I was afraid that i wouldnt be able to love him as much as you because i had already given you my entire heart.
I hated myself because i knew how unfair that would be to him.
For he wasnt even born and he had never done anything wrong or would he ever in my eyes.
Then they cut me open and yanked him out and i heard him cry and that sound was so pure and so perfect and so everything that you were.
I looked at him and i loved him just as much.
With everything that was in me.
It was like my heart grew a whole other heart to so i could love him the same.
I looked into his eyes and he was every ounce of beautiful just as you.
And you can up to him and held him and kissed him and i knew you loved him the same way that i did.
The same way that i love you.
I cried for the both of you because i loved you both so much it was hard to breathe and the only thing i could see was yall.
The only thing i could do then and can do now is love you.
Love you both for rest of my life.
You are my only true and honest and pure and magical and special loves.
You are my soulmates.
My everythings.
I love you boys.
