I'M SANTA IN THE TOWN PARADE
I SIT UP HERE AND FREEZE
AND FOR THREE WHOLE WEEKS AFTERWARDS
I SIT AT HOME AND SNEEZE
IT REALLY IS DEPRESSING
TO SIT HOME WITH A COLD
EACH YEAR I GET SICK EASIER
I GUESS I'M GETTING OLD

I'VE DONE THIS NOW FOR THIRTY YEARS
THE TIME'S GONE BY SO FAST
EACH YEAR I SIT AND TELL MYSELF
THIS YEAR WILL BE MY LAST
BUT EVERY TIME THEY PHONE ME
AND ASK ME "WILL I PLEASE?"
I TELL THEM THAT MOST CERTAINLY
I'LL COME ALONG AND FREEZE

I'VE SEEN SOME THINGS AS SANTA CLAUS
FROM UP ATOP MY SLEIGH
EACH YEAR THE FLOATS GET WILDER
IT REALLY MAKES MY DAY
I'M NOT THERE FOR THE MONEY
I DO IT FOR THE SIGHT
OF SEEING CHILDREN WAVE AT ME
WITH EYES AND SMILES BRIGHT

THEY'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER GUY
WHEN I GIVE UP THIS GIG
HE'LL HAVE TO BE A SPECIAL BLOKE
WITH A STOMACH ROUND AND BIG
HE HAS TO BE REAL JOLLY
AND ALSO VERY NICE
'CAUSE SITTING ON THIS SLEIGH EACH YEAR
CAN TURN YOUR ***** TO ICE!!!