Extended family
Slowly rocking on the porch of ******* Barrel
I smile and laugh, rocking with the flow of conversation

My wife refuses to take ambien now
After she woke up one night
and found me with a huge grin on my face

Keep rocking
Keep smiling
Small chuckles from my family around me

She never would've noticed!

I'm sure that's not the first time
she's slept through that

Well, as long as she didn't say "no"

The smile slips from my lips
Keep rocking
Eyes down, unable to look to my father's face
In case he is also laughing

I fall into myself
Cross my legs
~My subconscious defense~

Keep rocking
Digging my fingernails into my left arm
Right above the four dots inked into my wrist
Marking my skin to convince me
That I have control over my body
That past violations don't define me

Keep rocking
Uncles laughing
Still clenching my teeth
Drawing small crescents of blood
Beneath my chipped nails
Anything to distract from the images
Flashing behind my averted eyes

I loosen my grip
Raise my head
To see that not
One
Single
Person
Has noticed my internal plea

The fear in my eyes
The tension between my thighs

Keep rocking
Keep rocking

Blood doesn't mean you're family
Family doesn't mean you're safe