why is it
that i feel like crumbling
in a room full of people?
why is it
that i don't see anyone's eyes
flicker like a supernova
when they see me?
why is it that i can build people up
so they can see the sky
go on for miles on end,
but i tear myself down
until i am inside the earth
feeling its breaths in sync
with my own?
i want to feel as bright
and as big as the sun
but i keep caving in on myself
i'm so tired
of looking at myself
and seeing nothing
but sadness buried in my bones
i want existing to stop feeling so heavy
i want to feel alive again
without wondering what the catch is
why is that
so much to ask?