The nature of sentience. The desire for penance. Why does one behave?
From our first breath, were taught to reject, the things we always crave.
Day one: life pours into your senses and fills your consciousness like a cup, the clocks have finished being wound. Release. The game starts then. Beauty still runs rampant.
Dark becomes light, life become sight, you learn from all around. The water is warm, then a terrible storm, pulls you down to drown.
Day two: I learned what to love and who to trust very quick. It was taught to me. Like a formula on a blackboard. How to feel, what to want, what is okay to cherish. It never felt genuine.
In my home, I was always alone, love was a cracking whip.
A bottle full of pills, crushed up on windowsills, turned to a nasal drip.
Day three: I haven't seen my father, last I did, he told me what a disappointing life I'm living. Memories smell like fireball when he's in them. I still can't feel. Guilt extinguished my true passion long ago. Oneness replaced by numbness.
A spoon bottom turned black, burned by sizzling crack, fear took my life from me. I am amongst the dead, bound to my bed, i see no joy to be.
Day 4: I felt jealousy today, it festered in my chest. I longed for the warm and selfish friendships that are so abundant around me; I found something like it in the illicit. I learned to love the way 2 AM smells, and feels, like cleaning products.
Life will let you down, but wear that throned crown, because you are king of the known. What was, is no longer, death will make you stronger, but don't you die all alone.
It's harder that way. Stay to play, then let yourself drown