I feel physically sick.
Emotionally sick.
Sick to the stomach of myself.
Nothing’s going right. It’s all going backwards not even left.  I can’t stop it revolving round forward vertical horizontally.
Die.
I wish it would be easy. Float along dragged by the current. Then sink.
Thought drowning is herd to be the most tranquil way to die. Floating down down down feeling nausea. No way to grab air particles through the water. Choke.
Nothing better than the feeling of physically struggling for breath like I struggle for it during my day to days I endure.
Help.