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May 2012 · 513
16th may 2012 10:07am.
bethany boy May 2012
I feel physically sick.
Emotionally sick.
Sick to the stomach of myself.
Nothing’s going right. It’s all going backwards not even left.  I can’t stop it revolving round forward vertical horizontally.
Die.
I wish it would be easy. Float along dragged by the current. Then sink.
Thought drowning is herd to be the most tranquil way to die. Floating down down down feeling nausea. No way to grab air particles through the water. Choke.
Nothing better than the feeling of physically struggling for breath like I struggle for it during my day to days I endure.
Help.
class. head.
Mar 2012 · 550
tears at night
bethany boy Mar 2012
she crys at night
everynight.

she cant help herself;
she blames you
but knows deep down its her own fault
everything happened so quickly

she wasnt sure what to do

she repeated it to her head and heart many times

hes gone
hes gone
he doesnt want you.
he left you remember
your nothing to him dont boter trying.
it will only hurt you more

but her soul took over and transfixed her to letting it out
letting it out to people who told him.
he found out
he bad mouthed her.

he still didnt want her anymore.
he still doesnt want her anymore.
she crys now.
not only at night
secretly sheds a few tears;
here and there,
she lets it out
only to herself though
becuase hell find out.

he doesnt want her.

he never really did....
he still doesnt want her
Mar 2012 · 570
only if i have her
bethany boy Mar 2012
please.

i beg of you.
i need you

make me smile
make me laugh
make me never have the thought of the blade crossing my skin again and again
make me feel worthy
make me change
i need to stop...

but then when i get alone
and have my space with my mind
she begs me
she crys if i dont do it
she hates me
she abuses me if i dont

she runs and laughs;
when the pressure is pushed down
she slids down the slide;
when its dragged slowly along my flesh.

she loves me for it
she comforts me
she forgives me after for hesitating
she lets me know that everythings going to be better

but only if i have her.
Mar 2012 · 437
we are them
bethany boy Mar 2012
there is no hell below us
nore is there a heaven above us
we are in them

were in hell, were  in heaven.

we create them
we breathe them
we are them
they boths live inside us

they are bonded in our minds
twisting things together
to create our own spin

we are them
Mar 2012 · 610
sents sticking to you
bethany boy Mar 2012
Dreams are something we know if you remember them they stick.
They stick to you like a sent would in your nose for a while one that’s not all that enjoyable or pleasant.
Similar to nail polish remover or bleach.
its powerful and lingers there leaving its stain on you for a while eventually to wear off.

What we see in our sleep is eventually brought back to us.
There are some things trigger it during the day,
words someone around you might say or an action,
someone your noticing but not really seeing does.

I make sense to myself;
although you might now start understand the way I portray the stuff that goes through my mind.
Give it a chance though usually most things are amusing;
others are extremely degrading or make me feel fragile and delicate.
Either way though.

I’m me, Your you, Were different.
bethany boy Mar 2012
I’m a bunch of feelings and thoughts caged, like adrenaline and rage.
My thoughts are eating at my head,
My visions are too it hurts.

I try so hard to calm myself and make myself drowsy.
I haven’t been at night for at least a week.
Hospital changed everything my hole prospective on me.

I use to hate myself wish I was different.
I almost got what I wanted right at the moment;
I realised how badly I didn’t even want it at all.

I love myself weather other people do or not I don’t care.
I’m me and this is how I am and always will be.
I will only change for me and change how I want not for other people.
Mar 2012 · 986
dateless
bethany boy Mar 2012
How ironic;
they say the same thing you say about them backstabber.
One day it will all turn around and kick you in the shins.

Shake your world so much,
youll wish you were...  dead
so you could be still for once.

hope you;
Have fun with that.

— The End —