why do i feel like writing is the only proper means of expression for myself? why do i have trust issues? i always need to look at people twice, and still often because people themselves alter so much in a lifetime there is something new to be observed in them constantly why does he keep coming back to me after all ive put him through? the real reason... why does he make my thoughts jump from admiration, to then love, to then thoughts of matrimony? its a little odd honestly how i can come up with questions like these in a single moment. but its what you wanted to hear. you didnt want my pain and baggage to to be only on me but on you too. which is why you kept reading this. these are thoughts that cross my mind when i feel unworthy of living or just in a contemplative mood even this silent violence makes my days quite somber i cant put into words but yes i do feel like i want to put the world on pause sometimes and i know im not the only one that feels this way so dont look at this poem like a fat kid looking at kale chips that is why you see me but sometimes not there sometimes quiet is violent