Do you ever hide away at home
Because daily living has a heavy toll
You see potential pain in every moment,
Every face,
In every pause and every lag
You are overcome by lurking sadness
It screams that you will never be
Who you dream to be
You pass the bridge and look down
You push aside the thoughts of pain,
For jumping off is what you refrain from
You have a plastered smile to keep you sane
But really, all it does is make you seem inane

I look into a twisted mirror,
I see the face of a contorted figure
I ask: "Who are you?"
But no answer is delivered
I'm just a mind plagued with the residue of trauma
Debilitating memories that make me shake and want to huddle in a ball
Tear the whole world apart with my ****** claws
Scream and create nonsensical havoc
Because I can't seem to compensate
For all the confusion that swims below in my subconscious
I need someone to hold me,
But I convince myself,
No one could love me and my demons
I have a reasoning mind but my heart is disconnected
If you knew my story you'd understand why my internal world is so hectic
And yet my lips are sealed
For I try to conceal
And perfect and attain
The life of my ideals
But on days like today
I feel so far away from joy
I sit, deformed, shaking on the floor
Not understanding anymore
Not understanding anymore.

My heart had become unplugged
For once I loved and loved and loved
But my love was taken for granted
Smashed on the floor and broken, ravaged
I sit here, dumb-founded and crying
Looking through the reel of memories in my mind
Trying to figure out at what point it all went wrong
But my life has been a series of painful experiences
Escapism was my way to quell the incessant shame
But an unplugged heart knows not how to receive
The relief and release of unconditional love
It's there for my taking
Delivered by Jesus
If I would just stretch out my hand and accept it,
I could live in His love, undaunted
I'm a child of God,
And I know this
It's time to plug my heart back in
And own it.