I always thought I was stronger than this, and it’s hard to come to terms with the fact that I’m just,

not.

When I get this way, I drive real slow.

Every turn is an ache.

I can’t remember the last time I blinked,

my body gets so still.

I can feel my fingertips tingle, every breath, every hair on my head, every little cell, becomes

quiet.

I go from despair, to anger, to

blank.

It’s hard to get out from under nothingness.
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See, the problem is, I understand why you keep trying to **** yourself. And I understand that I have nothing to offer you. I understand that you are miserable, and don’t care about anyone or anything anymore.

But I don’t know how to come to terms with you just simply not

existing.

I don’t know how to justify asking you to stay, and I don’t know how to justify leaving you alone to that pitch black darkness inside of your skull.

I am sitting on the sidelines, and standing in the middle of your game all at the same time.

And I’m not doing a good job at either.
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And on top of it all, I choked today.

That’s really what made me the most upset– giving in to my own sadness and closing myself off.

I just needed a hug.

I’m so strong, that I’m weak.