When did life get so out of control?
I sleep for four hours if I'm lucky.
I have to pretend I'm happy.
My brain tells me death would be less sucky.

I'm always fidgeting and shaking.
Every breath is a mistake.
My reality just keeps breaking!
and it's not just my life at stake.

School.
We used to have field trips on the last day...
Now we keep trying to cry the stress away.
To get out of this prison; this nightmare
Please hear this student's prayer.
We all hunger for that day in May or June
But the freedom comes and goes too soon.
It leaves, leaves fall.
What did we do to deserve this at all?

I can't balance it all.
Grades
Homework
Social Life
Sleep
Eating three meals
Faking a smile through it all.
It's not fair..
I want to wake up from this nightmare.

But, once I do I have to become part of the
Destruction that I had nothing to do with.
I have to clean it up.
No supplies, no instructions.

But right now...
Right now there's a boy is in love with me but
He can't shout it to the world.
Not yet.
He's always conflicted and angered.
He looks at me and it disappears
His pupils take up what should be his iris.
His awkward smile reaches from ear to ear.
And I'm in love with him too.
More than he loves me.
Though I'll be glad to be free,
I won't see him for a month.
Two months.
Three?

My best friend doesn't love the situation.
She doesn't like us; him and me.
I understand.
Especially since I've been an ******* these past two weeks.
Ignored, abandoned..
Never forgotten.
I got caught up in his clingy, protective love.
I know sorry just wasn't enough, but I am.
I'm sorry.
ugh!
I may only be 15 but I know that
I'm deeply in love and
my future was ruined by the past generation.