I looked into the mirror and this is what I saw
Overweight, bloated and extremely out of shape
Put me in a purple shirt
And I'd look just like a grape
The time had come to buckle down
It was time to go get fit
There's not a better time to go
I figured...this is it
So, I went in after work one day
I had a "ONE DAY CENTER" pass
They like to be called centers
It seems to give them class
I waited once I got there
It was time to hide my pride
I waited for someone else to come
And help me get inside
The door, well it was monstrous
The sort of door a "center' needs
I couldn't budge it with my pushing
"The sign says Pull, sir....can't you read?"
A girl, no more than twenty
Helped me in..god bless her heart
You could stick three feathers in her ****
And she would be a dart
She led me in up to the desk
And then she went to change
I was now inside "The Center"
And it really did feel strange
I saw a gym once, in a dream
It was not like this at all
This was wonderous, expansive
The gym was like a hall
A young girl came and asked me
If I would like to take a tour
I told her I would love one
I didn't tell her about the door
She showed me all the new machines
The ropes and steps and *****
The freeweights and the changing room
The tvs and the walls
She told me what they offered
That most other Centers lacked
I was looking for a way to leave
Then she gave me a back pack
"You get this free" she said
for coming on the tour
I told her thanks, but still inside
I would keep quiet about the door
I said I'd think about it
I was not sure if it was me
I was not really a "Center" guy
I would rather watch tv
She said maybe a session
With a trainer would change my mind
I said that I would do it
There was a numbness in my behind
The chairs were most uncomfotable
I was squeezed in rather tight
A purple grape stuck in a press
That's really quite a sight
She went and got a trainer
And as I walked around the floor
She came back wtih the little girl
That I'd met at the front door
She showed me the treadclimber
Said it was easy on the knees
It was easy to get started
Using this would be a breeze
I got on and got started
Four steps made my head begin to spin
I was really getting dizzy
I really hated thin
I got off...got some water
She said we'd go try out the bike
My **** cheeks hid the entire seat
This was not something I liked
Next free weights..now a man's toy
I couldn't lift them from the floor
Then she whispered "oops I'm sorry"
"I forgot all about the door"
She left to take a phone call
I then went to have a ***
I knew I could work the ******
Away from where prying eyes could see
I went back and I joined her
She chose to show me a machine
It did most of the work by it self
It was guaranteed to make me lean
We talked for near an hour
Then I went back to the desk
I thanked her and sat down again
I really just needed rest
I listened to the payment plans
As they were speedily thrown out
I thought about my heart attack
My bursitis and my gout
I signed on as a member
Vowing "no longer would I be mush"
The one thing I'd remember
Is to pull the door not push!