It hits me after alcohol
And major social events
That I have to be a good person
And I feel almost scared that I may not be
So I go over everything and message people I miss
And analyse what happened and try to inspect
Hidden areas of my personality
And prepare for what I will do next
In this life that throws me around
This feeling reminds me of Japan
I call it ‘the come down’
The direct opposite of the word genki
Derived from the high of seeing new
It feels unforgivably overwhelming
I feel wrong or not right or perfect
And I worry what everyone thinks
And says about me and I try and
Cheer myself on to stop being silly
But it’s like a black cloud over me
Or a black puddle under my feet
And I tell myself if I pretend it’s not there
I won’t entertain it and make it worse
But it always lingers until damage is done
It saddens me that last night I spent the night
With my hero and still it feels like a lightning strike
Aimed for me this morning when he left
I know I should be happy I got to stay
And spend such a good time with him
But I don’t feel safe to bare my feelings
And I can’t help but regret it all
Because my instinct says he will drop me
Like an apple falling from the hand
Of a passer-by because they weren’t concentrating
And I’ll be alone again, cruising
So that’s as far as my hopes will go in this mood
If you have any visions of a better future
From another mood that’d be good to hear
So you can send me away from here