Usually I will choose each word I type, but tonight
Tonight there will be none of that
I will just write and write
Because my heart dreads sleep, dreads the drawn out pause between beats
Reminding me that I am going to die
Already dead, inside a lie
There should be warning bells and blaring alarms
As I sit huddled over my phone and cannot think of one person
Whose favors I haven't yet worn out
Who I can turn to in my pain
Tonight I am alone
In my own two torturous hands
I am weary beyond sleep
And the only voice to hear is my own
Urging me to give and give and get up, because it's not enough
I am not allowed to break, or feel
But right now, I look around my room and it seems that one end has grown distant from the other
And as I sit in the middle of space
What can I say?

I feel like slashing my wrists with knifes
I feel like giving up
I feel like killing myself
I feel so powerfully alone it makes my teeth chatter

If you're out there, and you've felt this
I'm sorry
I'm here though
We can hurt together, be alone together
Tonight