its the source of all my stresses
living inside a mindful of other peoples messes
it's the message
hiding inside my pride in fake caresses
the anger that makes my heart aggressive
playing the part to feel like I'm progressive

my emotions
tangled and tied I lie awake in search of
the releases
only pieces of me reflecting in a mirror
the picture of me only seemingly getting clearer

my successes bought and sold
it's impressive the way money can calm your soul
so I've been told
but I never made any bills
that weren't something to be paid
I hate every dollar I have made
and the ways every dollar has made me

it's my escapes
this half a bottle of Jaeger
has all this bottled up anger
spilling out of me like a boxer throwing blows
pacing on my toes in this paper rink
killing trees and slinging ink
to write down what I think

it's compromises
it's never ******* who I want
it's ******* who I find
masturbations got me going blind
terminally jaded and trying to face
this master race of pretty faces
my pursuit and all the chases
of three percent body fat
when eight percent is where I'm at
it's always just the little bit that kills
that keeps you jogging on a treadmill
going nowhere
so why am I running
when it's an embarrassment
to all my strengths to stop and think
I still don't think I'm who I think I should be
so who the **** is me
if I'm forever changing
its ******* amazing I ever make it out the door
sore with all the fears I've got of **** that I will drop
all the things I'm scared to fail at

so just **** it
**** the reasons **** the people
**** the questions **** my friends
it's an obsession with no end
these sessions of self improvement
not proving useful as they're taking me apart
so it just proves I've been losing from the start

I've just gotta let my mind clear
I've gotta take a breathe
I just had to get it off my chest