You see it is hard when you
do something wrong and suddenly nobody wants you to help people nobody wants you to be nice to people either
You see lately on home and away John wanted to help the burns unit after he started the recent bush fires and I grabbed a kid and I teased a little girl and I arranged a disco where nobody turned up well a few people were there but for me
It was hard and I started getting crazy and I really wanted to reform myself well I wasn't really reformed but I felt everyone was out to get me
Well grabbing a kid and teasing a little girl is bad but really I was unmedicated, or on medication that wasn't right for me
But I started to hear voices of people teasing me every time
I look like a kid
I wanted to be there for the kids but with my past they don't accept me into this community
Like anything I do isn't good enough, I was really upset and I felt so bad but I still wanted to arrange events or be apart of events to help people
I went to do the BBQ for the magpies  and I joined the kanga cup where it only lasted 2 years
Because I wasn't good at it
I was great at the masters games where I was helping get the glass from the ground but I helped in other areas but still the kids were teasing me and my mind was playing tricks on me when I worked at the hockey I felt the world was out to get me, and from that moment I said I want out of this helping life and I stuck with playing Santa Claus where a girl said I was fake and the BBQ was the best place for me but as I got the new kippax oval gig
People started treating me like a piece of meat but I like doing the BBQ at the footy but then I started to lose weight and I was working and I was having fun because people were nice to me and I was running everywhere and joined the Mother's Day classic to raise money for breast cancer
I went to Adelaide twice and I went to the carols in the domain
And I partied at the Merimbula
And then I got a new job and I met them on the road and I went to the psych ward again and I felt awful and then I went to the baseball in Sydney and dad died and I joined the badslamnobiscuit poetry slam
Where I became very popular and I was talking to every university student there it was fun I went to my second theatrical play and all the Coke I drank with that I became fat and I watched YouTube family vlogs and drinking coke and eating chips and chocolate and strawberry milk and popcorn and then I did some thinking and now I am doing three art groups as well as going to holistic health group to try and lose my junk food spare tyre and because of my past home and away lately has been very emotional what with Brodie and John I wasn't on drugs but I was angry and John being hated by the people of summer bay and he wanted to prove himself just like me
The only helping I do is give money to homeless people which I can't all the time but sometimes I can and I give money to beyond blue mental health cause my name is Brian Allan and i have schitzophrenia
Even neighbours catches my emotions with toadie and Sonya
And despite all the times I fought dad I really want to say
I do miss his loving life ways
And I do love life mate