it's always fun at carnivals.
pretty lights, cotton candy, fun games
it's a fountain of youth for everyone.

until

the lights shut down.
the cotton candy rots.
the games are already playing you.

and it gets worse.

the dark, cloudy sky chases you.
kids start crying all over the place.
rain is pouring down the carousel.

the carousel? The Carousel?
The Carousel, where you thought would be the safest ride.
where you carefully placed the secrets of your world.
where you wistfully pointed out your dreams.
where you stayed without feeling dizzy
when all you did was to go round and round and round
round and round

until

you started to get tired.
you saw the horses are not the real horses you always dreamed of riding.
you heard the music isn't pleasing anymore.
you heard cracks and gears being dislocated.
you can't see anything anymore.
your secrets have escaped instead of you.
you tried to escape this demeaning makeshift world of yours but to no luck.

you've seen the whole carnival now.
dreary, miserable, lonely.
the once colorful tents were now drenched in sorrowful monochrome.
mirrors are placed all over the gaming booths.
broken lights.
sad, sad music.

you thought The Carousel was the carnival itself.
i thought The Carousel was the carnival itself.
i made the greatest mistake of not tasting the cotton candy, not feeling the sun on my skin.
have the horses tricked me?

i've seen the whole carnival now.
it's not what it is years ago.
the gates are closed.

it's always fun at carnivals.
the fun never stops.
dim lights, rotten food, mind games.
everyone's favorite choice is escape.

i tried to.
i'm still trying to.