I present for you
A user’s manual
For your new set of headphones
First: connect to your device
You may need a cord
Or use Bluetooth
But you need to connect to an outside source
The headphones do not come with a playlist
Second: put the headphones on
Make sure you maintain maximum ear coverage
Headphones are not as effective if you can hear the outside world
The thud of footsteps
The jumble of conversations
The pitter patter of rain
And the sound of laughter
Are not as harmonious as your music
Finally: begin the first song
Listen to it blissfully
Because only you can enjoy it
No one else is allowed in on your personal concert
There is no need to take off your headphones
There is no need to turn the volume down
There is no need to disconnect from your mobile device
Because here
No one can hurt you
You can’t hurt anyone
And you can pass by the world like a ship in the night
The headphones have a lifetime warranty
However, we cannot refund you
On the time, friends or opportunities you might have lost
While using our product
Sincerely, your inner coward