"Send in The Clowns"
Linda Ronstadt sang on as mother wept
I was quite young
I become bruised by her drunken and stabbing snake's tongue
I worked long nights as a teen
Avoiding the hell that ruined my youth that forced me into a man's role
I raised my mother like a daughter as my dad worked.
He was blind to her unplanned brutality.
Her life almost ended many times due to drunk stunts
I rushed to the phone as the pediatrics asked questions
over scars and ****** wounds she forced into my arms.
Blows that winded me and were blunt.
Bad boys homes
Escapes from her terror as she took in the poison.
As she waked sober. She was quite a charm.
A loving soul mixed with dealers and her boyfriend pimps
I was fearing the smile of the circus until I immersed into insanity.
Changing schools like underwear
Sitting in therapy. Not uttering a word.
The shrink wasted time, lifting her skirts, and left me empty and broken there.
I was afraid of the tornado of "Mommy Dearest"
as the volcano of tame-less  evil.
The drink rotted her brain and body.
She would break as I was thrown through a window sill.
"Mommy please stop this pain."
Years and years the storms rolled on.
I road the roller coaster to car crashes and ****** fights.
A storm crushed family left in blood stained tears.
I stay strong and helped lift them up.
Their "rock of loyalty"
Their "Honey" in a broken cup.
Her sins felt like my own
Now I held the same drink from which it came.
Insanity in ***** and wasted years.
Now the pain's voices I've endured
They can sing and close me up.
But strength and a true heart can never be tamed
Even on through the words of blame.
I can laugh at the vary likeness of the clown I had feared.
Clowns stay happy without meaning.
I am the one you see walking tall, still.
See him write, sing, and create.
For true wisdom and beauty are not bought or given.
They are not even just a beauty that is enjoyed skin deep.
This strength prevented me from drowning in fears waters
which were ,then, way too deep.