I wrote a lengthy poem
About the past as it comes to a halt tonight
Smoking sticky ****
Numbing the plethora of feelings
"I will never give up. I will never give up. I will never give up."
My mother sends me long text messages tonight
Alone in the wood of a deep dark house
And you expect me to high five you?

The cluttering and snapping of closing doors
I can imagine the lights dimming out
For the final time
Swirling candy cane *******
Sniffing with huge wild grins
The mildew breathes and smokes right in
Lip sync battles, carrying on into the night
I disappeared at the epitome of my flight
At that moment
And from that. To then. To this.
Lightning strikes outside my window
I have a girlfriend that I know
Wearily closes her eyes tonight
I thank my stars
My fate is no longer in the hands
Of some whiskey baited breath
The scratching of a record player
That was mine, I entrusted
And they all sing and swing
Their goodbyes and Peter Pan movements
Tonight
The little Brotel
Filled with little people with little dreams.

I tell my mama to sleep well
Onward
In the big wooden house
Where we breathed
And discovered our youth

And the truth of the matter is this:
I spent all of my youth
Chasing and being chased by boys.
I held a camera in my hands
And no one ever told me to pursue it
I focused all of my attention on whatever it was I did
And I always was sure to be the best at it
I made being in love a job
I wore a white dress
I wore a constant white dress
You saw my movie

Didn't you see I want everything?
And fled from everything?