My mama and I both spend our nights
Without men by our side it seems
And there is a part of me that knows
I couldn't
I just couldn't
While she is
Where she is

11:23pm
I felt so tired before
I have a hard time putting my phone down in bed
I always have
But it's now my loneliest place

But I hope to embrace
Take up all my own space
Inhale, exhale
I busy my days
No time to really stop
I wonder about you
And talk quickly in the morning
Knowing how necessary it is
For me to go on
Rinse
Rinse
And go on.

The past two days
It has felt like a little hole
Revealed itself in my heart
And the phrase I once sung in my head
Like the chorus of a poppy emo song
"I dunno what I want"

And I don't.
But I recognize the cracks
That became too large to repair
I'm grateful for what I have built
How I have grown
And I acknowledge
My god I got a way to go
I'm trying
I'm trying
I wish I knew

But I just don't
Maybe I never did.