It sneaks on me like a nightmare
Pulls me out of my daydreams
Pulls me out of my life

You ask me why my hands are always shaky
I say it’s because my nightstand is full of pills to remind me I exist

It steals away my smile
And mostly, my sanity
It pulls me into the darkness
Eats away my soul till there’s nothing left

You ask me why am I always sleeping
It eats up my power and drains my energy to leave me with nothing but tiredness and despair

I can’t do it; sometimes I want to give up
Maybe I was born to be this way
Born to be dying

People glamorize sadness
Sadness makes beauty in art
Not in people

I wear my insanity on me like a crown
But my sadness invited other objects to seep into my skin to make depression a part of who I am

My father, my mother,
They’re always on their toes
It seems like no matter what I’d do
Someone is bond to be hurt

My dead soul roams the world of the living
Wondering how am I ever going to fit in

You see how depression makes beauty?
My poetry is a manifest of my tears,
My health is fading away because of how many pills I take everyday
But it’s okay, because I write poetry as beautiful as a sunset on reflective ocean
Birds humming softly

You see what I mean?

My love, how could you ask me why I want to leave.
Why did you?
Might as well pulled out a dagger and stabbed me straight in the heart
Because the words “I don’t love you anymore” hurt more than a rope around my neck

I would still love him, with my blood splattered on his stunning face
I would still love him with every drop
And every pain I ever felt
I would still love him with my lifeless body on the floor
I will always love him and that is what’s killing me the most

Do you understand me?
This is what depression does to you
I’m so attached to pain
To love
To people
To death
I’m so attached to everything that’s killing me and I just want it to stop
I want everything to stop

I think I loved him too much
Said too many “I love you’s”
Gave too much love
Too much of everything

You see?
I can’t control it
My illness, my curse
My mind, my bliss
I can’t control what leaves my mouth
Because my heart is on my sleeve
On my cheeks
And my mind, is in the stars
With the he used to smile when he says he loves me
How can I reach for the galaxies in his eyes? How can I reach my absent mind?

But wait
For I do not regret my decision
Love is not everything
It can lift you higher than the sky
And lowers you to the pits of the earth

He put a rope around my neck and I’m an answering machine that doesn’t ring so I can never say no
I’m so confused, I’m so confused
I love him but my love was not enough
And his love, wasn’t enough for me either
We’re an on and off switch
On and off and on and off
I can’t remember the last time he looked at me in the eyes when he said I love you
The light is finally burnt

I am not yours, I am not yours
For I am a bird
And to be truthful
I long to fly home
To the stars, to the sky
To everything far far away