I don't want to be the way I am
And that's saying something
Given that I'm many different ways
Sometimes my throat closes up and I can't speak and I want to hide deep deep under ground
Disappear with every embarrassing tic
Shaking in place
And sometimes I don't ever shut up
And sometimes I'm joking
And sometimes I'm screaming
Bruising my own skin and pulling out eyelashes
Body made of lightning
Shaking in place
I hate the way I am
When my thoughts are going a million miles an hour and I get overwhelmed with the sound
I hate the way I am
When my processing is low and I can't understand and everything slows down
I jump emotional extremes and identities
Putting on masks and playing games
Like it's Build A Boy Workshop
Tell me who you want me to be
Because this isn't who I want to be