My heart and I have never been in sync

See, my brain has always known me best
It fulfills my desperate need for rational, logical, valid understandings
Any uncomfortable confusion gets swept away through reason

And because of this
I have been able to erase you from my mind
There are no traces left of you in my life
It seems to me
That I seem to be
Happy.
(But the metaphysical definition of "happy" is widely disputed so I'm not sure we even know what it means to be "happy")

But the real problem I keep running into is,
I cannot philosophize you away
My heart has this desperate need to hold onto
What I know makes no sense
You are the essence of all the things I am not good at
And I am the sum of a life you would rather forget




I once read that no true philosopher
Ever lives happily ever after
Instantly I thought of you
And agreed that the saying was true.